Every so often, I find myself looking up information on my learning disability, dyscalculia. I was diagnosed in 2002, so it’s been eight years. Eight years since I even KNEW there was a word for a math disability. I can remember hearing it and being so excited that #1, it wasn’t all in my mind, and #2, it was common enough to have a name. Dyscalculia.

I was so ecstatic…I recall sitting down at my computer as soon as I got back to my dorm room and looking up ‘dyscalculia’ on the Internet. I think at the time, I got maybe two websites with information on it. Not so common after all.

Since then, I’ve looked it up many times and it seems that the word on dyscalculia is spreading slowly. As of this evening, if you Google it you’ll get at least 50 pages with links for information on this disability. Unless you have dyscalculia, are a parent, relative or friend of someone who has it, or work in the education field, it is still virtually unknown though amongst the general public, it seems.

Many people are trying to get the word out there and one of the most powerful voices of dyscalculia is writer and advocate Samantha Abeel. I came across her memoir, “My Thirteenth Winter” a couple years ago when I was browsing Amazon for books on dyscalculia. As soon as I read the plot description, I ordered it, and once it came to my door, I could not put it down.

Never having talked to another person with dyscalculia, I was shocked to find her experiences with dyscalculia frighteningly similar to mine. She writes of her love of school, but how things fall apart in math class very early on in her school years. In her seventh grade year (the same grade I was when I was first tested) she discovered that she had dyscalculia, and continues to recount memories of coping with her disability while trying to maintain a sense of normalcy in her life.

Samantha Abeel

Readers may know Samantha Abeel from her book of poetry, Reach for the Moon, published when she was just 15 years old. Following reviews of that collection, Abeel discovered that her story of overcoming a learning disability, dyscalculia, was a struggle, journey and triumph she could share with a diverse audience. Description Samantha Abeel couldn't tell time, remember her locker combination, or count out change at a checkout counter - and she was in seventh grade. For a straight-A student like Samantha, problems like these made no sense. She dreaded school, and began having anxiety attacks. The poetry written by a young girl who is both gifted and learning disabled, Reach for the Moon, by Samantha Abeel, is truly inspiring.

Reach for the Moon by Samantha Abeel (1994-09-03) Jan 1, 1802. Only 3 left in stock - order soon.

When I was finished reading, Samantha Abeel was my new hero. I was in tears…it seemed so familiar. Every moment and every feeling. I read parts to my husband, who was dating me at the time I was finally given my diagnosis in college. I called my mom and told her about this incredible book and inspirational message of Ms. Abeel’s. I gave it to her to read as soon as I was back in town.

Naturally, not every person with dyscalculia goes through the same thing. Unlike the author, I never suffered with panic attacks caused by my math disability. I do have a great deal of anxiety from time to time, but never anything chronic caused by math. I am able to read a clock and I can count a handful of change (albeit slowly). In that same breath, I wish that like the author I was able to be acknowledged as ‘gifted/learning disabled,’ and that math didn’t seem to overshadow the things I was good at in school as often as it did.

But there were so many things that were mentioned in the book that WAS and IS similar to what I go through. From my fear of being late, to my feeling of being cheated out of enrichment activities for the subjects I loved and excelled at. From not being able to remember my locker combination in high school, to setting the table backwards.

Samantha Abeel’s “My Thirteenth Winter” made me feel like I wasn’t alone when I read it. I’ve since read it several times. Her words give me comfort and hope and validation and courage. Courage to pass on my own experiences in the hopes that other people that have learning difficulties, whatever they are, will be united in our similarities and feel more hopeful about differences that they may have.

My favorite part of the book is when the author calls her mom from college, unsure about whether she can go on. She is venting in a surge of emotion and suddenly, it hits her. She writes on page 179, “…I need to acknowledge that my learning disability is an innate part of who I am. I can’t ignore it. I can’t do things like everyone else at this pace. I need to slow down, get the help and support I need. It’s OK to ask for help - and I’m OK just the way I am.”

So often when humans have difficulties with anything, it’s hard to admit it and often we’ll try to go on without admitting to ourselves that it’s time to acknowledge we are struggling. Everyone has felt that way at some time or another, and we with learning disabilities feel it quite often.

It reaffirms my desire to spread the word about dyscalculia, because it can’t be ignored and it shouldn’t be ignored. There is no shame in having learning difficulties because everyone has their weaknesses. Thank you to Samantha Abeel and the others who advocate for us all!

If you are interested in this book, again, it is called “My Thirteenth Winter: A Memoir” by Samantha Abeel, published by Orchard Books in 2003. ISBN 0-439-33904-9.

My Thirteenth Year